Pirahna 3D is a very gory movie about killer fish who terrorize Students on Spring Break. In 3-D.

Read the headline again.  Does that appeal to you?  If NO . . . move on.

If YES . . . Run to your local theatre and drop 15 bucks or so because this flick is EVERYTHING it purports to be.  This is NOT Jaws.  This is NOT Avatar.

I have not seen a movie this shamelessly jam packed with GORE since George Romero was filming the shopping exploits of a group of Zombies in the second Living Dead flick.  It ratchets the crazy up every 15 minutes or so in an effort to hide the fact that the story is dopey, the characters are all cliches and the underlying message is . . . well that’s the thing really . . . there is NONE.

This movie is not about teaching anybody a lesson unless of course that lesson is HOLY CRAP SWIM FASTER !

Jobu did not care for this film.  Our friend Dub also was not impressed. We also had our friend Elizabeth with us who does not have a “cool” nickname to make her seem more mysterious on the internet.  She too gave Pirahna 3-D a thumbs down.

Well all I can say to them is :

WHAT ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME !!!! IT’S A MOVIE ABOUT PRE-HISTORIC FISH THAT FEED ON HALF NAKED (AND SOMETIMES COMPLETELY NAKED) COLLEGE STUDENTS!  VING RHAMES FIRES A SHOTGUN BLINDLY INTO THE WATER TO TRY AND GET THE PIRANHAS OFF PEOPLE !!! A SHOTGUN ! FROM LIKE 12 FEET AWAY!  THIS ONE CHICK GETS HER FACE RIPPED OFF BY A BOAT PROPELLER! DID YOU SEE THAT ? ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME MOVIE ???  THIS IS THE CRAZIEST, MOST INCREDIBLY HONEST PIECE OF EXPLOITATION FILM MAKING I HAVE EVER SEEN ! YOU THREE ARE NUTS ! THIS MOVIE ROCKS ! I MAY HAVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE $35,000 SONY 3-D TV SETS NOW CAUSE WHEN THIS COMES OUT ON BLU RAY, I’M GONNA CAMP MY ASS OUT IN FRONT OF BEST BUY ! INCEPTION WAS BORING ! AVATAR WAS TOO PREACHY ! IRON MAN DEUCE WAS “MEH” ! SCOTT PILGRIM WAS . . .  Well Scott Pilgrim was great. You should really go see that.  Back to the screaming:  PIRANHA 3-d MADE ME A PROMISE AND IT DELIVERED !!!!!  WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE? HAMLET WITH A LIGHT SEA FARING THEME?  THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY! THEY TELL YOU THE MOVIE IS ABOUT NAKED GIRLS BEING EATEN BY KILLER FISH, YOU BUY A TICKET TO A MOVIE ABOUT NAKED GIRLS BEING EATEN BY KILLER FISH AND THEN WHEN IT’ S OVER YOU SAY ” HEY – THAT MOVIE WAS ONLY ABOUT NAKED GIRLS BEING EATEN BY KILLER FISH !!!!!”  THAT’S WHAT IT SAID IT WAS!!!!

Okay. I have to go take my medication.

Advertisements

About calmixx

Calmixx is the Pseudonym of New York Artist/Writer Brian Mc- - HEY wait a minute. Why have a cool Pseudonym if you're just gonna tell people it's a Pseudonym? Yeah you can just call me Calmixx for now. Maybe if we have a third date I'll give up the last name but not without dinner. Check out my silly little blog and let me know what you think. Because I care. I really do. Really. Honest. Sorta.
This entry was posted in Movies, Posts with Video Goodness and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s