Nearly Naked Neon Body Builders with Hula Hoops Changed Everything.

Look at that picture,
what an adorable collection of animated friends for you to play with!
Could THESE characters ever be involved in anything with the potential to twist the moral compass of a young child…
Mystical Ninja: Starring Goemon was one of my favorite games growing up.
It was a humorous RPG for the Nintendo 64 and I played it constantly.
What I hadn’t realized at the time was that it was slowly tainting my innocence as a young girl.
You see, if by some chance your Ninja skills lack enough  “pwnage”  power and you  actually die, you will find yourself in a strange land.  A VERY STRANGE LAND.
A land where it’s acceptable for brightly colored men all hopped up on steroids to exploit their bodies.
A land where you will not only see a disco ball spinning to mock your ineptitude, but you will also be witness to a display of hula-hoop skills the likes of which I never saw on a playground. And it’s up close and personal  WAY UP CLOSE AND DEFINATELY PERSONAL .
The oddest detail about this place? The afore mentioned brightly colored men wear nothing but thongs. They couldn’t throw on a nice pair of slacks to mock you in NO! They just had to expose EVERY LITTLE DETAIL in their tight fitting undies.
The first time you lose and this screen appears, you can’t even believe you are playing the same game.
How did I go from pwning enemies to this erotic competition of half naked hip movement?”
Your first reaction is obvious shock then disgust…but then something happens.
In the middle of your game, you find yourself hoping for a vicious attack to appear that will surely defeat your character.
You begin to purposely crush yourself under objects just so you will be led to the ‘try again’ screen.
Once there, there’s no deciding whether to try again….You are under their spell and you won’t be exiting from that screen anytime soon.
Their hypnotic moves captivate you and you loose all control of free will.
Before you know it you’re standing up, hula-hoop in hand, and before you can stop it your hips start to join in on the bliss.
Round n round and round n round.
But of course, no matter if you’re built like a brick house or a mobile home, you can never compete with the animated sexiness that is those brightly colored men.
Eventually I managed to muster up every bit of force power within my gene pool and  broke away from the screen – released from their spell.
But the spell is never truly over, is it?
After all, I did just write an entire article about them didn’t I?
And just incase you never played the absurdness that is Mystical Ninja: Starring Goemon, do yourself a terrible favor and watch the video below. Watch the WHOLE video.
But be warned!
Your life will never again be the same.

About Darilyn Tiberius Skywalker

Who is Darilyn Tiberius Skywalker? A strange young female geek who more than likely arrived on this planet via spaceship to study the creatures most commonly known as 'humans'. When she's not gathering data she is PWNING all those who dare to challenge her superior gaming skills. She is here to make you smile & secretly transmit your thoughts back to her headquarters. So until the Mothership is ready to beam her home, she's here geeking out as a writer for Geek Enjoy her articles or else she'll send a swarm of disco dancing aliens to continuously boogie out in your dreams for all of eternity. And trust me. You don't want that.
This entry was posted in Comedy, Posts with Video Goodness, Video Games and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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