Let’s get something straight. When it comes to Star Wars, I am no “hater”. As a matter of fact for over thirty years I have been a huge fan. Gigantic. It’s almost a Charlie Sheen sized problem for me at times. I am not however, one of those drooling fanboys who make excuse after excuse and develop complicated justifications for portions of the Star Wars properties that disappoint. My irritation as of late is with The Clone Wars tv show. This is NOT a bad show. On the contrary, it’s usually well written and at the very least FUN. The voice acting is always spot on and as far as cartoons about Star Wars go – you could do a LOT worse (Ewoks anyone?). The trouble with Clone Wars is the new Season practice of three part episodes promising secrets to be revealed.
That in itself is not an issue as much as the fact that the secrets have been so lame. Darth Maul lives? Really? Why? How? The “Force Family Holy Trinity” explain to Anakin what it means to bring balance to the force and he rejects it immediately. But then the “Dark Son” (who by the way is potentially the best new Star Wars Villain in 20 years thanks in big part to the voice acting by Sam Witwer) shows Anakin his future destiny. Shares with Anakin this “secret”. So does the show then let Anakin wrestle with that for the rest of the season trying to CHANGE his destiny? Nope – the Force Dad just wipes his mind clean of the experience. So who was this a secret to? Us? WE already knew Anakin is going to be Darth Vader. Lame. Tonight’s episode is part one of another three parter that will apparently now focus on Tarkin. Sigh. Of course. Why not. But the preview shows Anakin and Obi Wan encased in Carbonite. Pardon? Carbonite? Like the kind used on Bespin as part of their mining work? Why would they do this? And if they CAN do this so matter of factly, why is there a concern in the future over whether or not the process will kill Han Solo? Are we supposed to infer that this is where Vader gets the idea to freeze dry Luke? Then why would he need to TEST the process on Han Solo? It LOOKS cool sure, but like a lot of the stuff that exists outside of the original three Star Wars films it doesn’t stand up to basic logic.
This all leads to an obvious conclusion that I guess it’s time to accept. Lucasfilm doesn’t love me anymore. This is just business and at 40 years old (though I am a very YOUNG 40) they figure they already have all the money they are going to get out of appealing to my age group.
Better to concentrate their efforts on my kids so they can ensure that Star Wars lives on for another at least another 30 years or so. Kids like it when they can freeze their action figures with Carbonite playsets. Children don’t buy season DVD sets so don’t be surprised when instead of a full Season 3 DVD set you get half a season and a bunch of single release 3 episode sets. More cash – less product. Sigh. I miss Star Wars.
NEXT: Well what would YOU do to fix it Mr. Star Wars-ier than thou?
The last part of this 3 part series of articles (irony?) on Clone Wars will be where I tell you what I WOULD have done to make it better. This is not to suggest that I am some kind of genius at all but I don’t like it when people just bitch and moan about stuff without offering any ideas of their own. Don’t just be a hater. George Lucas did not rape my child hood but he sure is smacking my middle age around like a red headed step child.