As a rule we don’t care about the Oscars but this year we have to weigh in on it because there are so many superheroes involved. Catwoman and The Green Goblin are hosting, Thor’s girlfriend is nominated, Batman and the Hulk are nominated in the same category as Hawkeye . . . you see what I’m saying. So without further ado, here are the official Geekpropaganda.com Oscar picks.
Best Actor: Bridges, Bardem, Firth, Eisneberg, Franco.
Oscar should go to : Franco. (He saved Spidey’s life in a terrible movie – but he’s also pretty damn funny and he does whatever he feels like. Next week he’ll be on General Hospital because he feels like it. I kinda dig that.
Best Actress: Bening, Kidman, Lawrence, Portman, Williams.
Oscar should go to: Hmmm. This is a rough one. Kidman is disqualified for being associated with a Joel Schumacher Batman flick. Williams had a kid with Heath Ledger the best Joker ever, but Portman is the reason Vader got all pissy on the galaxy. Plus she’s in Thor and when she was like 10 she was in The Professional. Yeah. Gotta be Natalie Portman.
Supporting Actor: Bale, Hawkes, Renner, Ruffalo, Rush.
Oscar should go to: This is a bloodbath but it breaks down like this. Hawkeye takes out Casonova Frankenstein but the Hulk stomps him to dust. Hawkes (the only actor in this category who has never been a superhero) runs away upon realizing he is outmatched. Hulk turns on the Dark Knight but he gets beat because the rule at play is simple. Batman always wins. Bale.
Supporting Actress: Amy Adams and some other people I’m too lazy to look up.
Oscar should go to: Amy Adams because she is great in everything she does, especially that Sunshine Cleaning Movie with Alan Arkin and Emily Blunt. I like that Emily Blunt too. While we’re here lets give her an Oscar too.
Best Picture: Ballet movie, Boxing Movie, Mindf*ck movie, Lesbian parenting movie, Stuttering movie, Dude cuts off his Arm movie, Facebook movie, Disney sequel, Cowboy remake and Movie I never heard of.
Oscar should go to: The Avengers. Yeah I know it’s not even made yet but how can these other jokers even keep a straight face knowing their movies don’t even have ONE superhero let alone four.
So there you have it. See you next year.