Okay. You back? All caught up now? Crazy right? Okay so what happened next was that the “Bat Shit Crazy Drunken Lady” launched herself away from Spiderman (The Spectacular Sergio) and Spiderman 2099 (The Amazing Larry Smith) and grabbed herself a hand full of Bumblebee. Not in a good way either. She was raving on and on about how she was sure the Green Goblin had sent Bumblebee to hurt Spidey and to be honest by this point it had ceased to be entertaining and I had seen enough. People were starting to get scared and there were a lot of kids around who were moving in closer to see the Spidermen and the Chevy Robot and I was afraid somebody was really going to get hurt.
I had noticed that the woman was not alone and that there was a gentleman with her who also seemed intoxicated though not at all bat shit crazy. I took the piece of Bumblebee out of her hand and stepped between her and the Transformer while making eye contact with her “friend”.
“Hey Security is on their way out here. Take your friend and move out.” He stared at me for a second before deciding that I was probably telling the truth. He grabbed her hand and led her screaming out of our tale. Now that all the excitement was over I turned my attention to the Transformer before me. He was amazing.
You know how when someone wears a full mask you can usually see in through the eyes to see whats going on in there? You see this all the time at kid’s parties when the giant Ninja Turtle or whatever turns just right – all the kids “lose the spell” because they see Jimmy from accounting in there or Dad or somebody who is clearly NOT a Ninja Turtle. You know what I mean? Well believe me when I tell you that I stood six inches away from Bumblebee and could not for the life of me figure out who – or what was in there. For a second I thought it had actually been a Yellow Mustang cruising down 7th avenue and then popped into robot mode to help us with the craziness.
“Just some lunatic – it’s all good now. She pulled something off you though”
“No way – what is it – it’s not my license plate is it?” I looked up and down him for a second and saw that he had a little “tourist gift shop” style license plate that said “Brooklyn” attached to him. It was intact.
“Nope. Brooklyn. All good. It’s like a bolt or something. I don’t even see where it came from – you look okay.” I tried to hand it to him, but for all intents and purposes he really didn’t have a hand I could put it in.
“Could you put it in my pocket?”
“You have a pocket? “ He pointed to a small pouch like pocket next to his license plate and for the first time I started to realize that there was an honest to God person inside all the fiberglass and chrome. I put the bolt in his pocket.
“Thanks man – I appreciate it. “ He turned and started to walk away from Wizard World’s Big Apple Comic Con.
“Hey – Aren’t you going in there?”
“No way – I’d never fit in there. Not enough room. I’ll be out here patrolling for any trouble.” Brooklyn Bumblebee stepped right into the middle of 7th avenue and began walking toward oncoming traffic. It was amazing.
Let me tell you something about New York City for those who may be unfamiliar. Traffic in NY comes in two varieties. Totally stopped and Not stopping for ANYTHING. On this particular afternoon, cars were doing around forty miles an hour down 7th avenue and if the light was green and you had not yet made your way across the street, odds were good you were about to test the limits of your health insurance. Those odds changed however if you were a bright yellow robot who used to be a Mustang.
Cars stopped. People stopped. I think for a minute or so actual time stopped because for one bight shining moment in the middle of New York City Transformers were real. You know how Michael Bay brought Transformers to Chicago and filmed some special effects for his movies there? Chicago had NOTHING on the Big Apple that day. We had an Autobot and he was totally without wires or green screen.
I chased Brooklyn Bumblebee for about 10 minutes taking pictures of him and the people who stood in awe of him and it became clear that not only did he lack wires or green screen – he also lacked peripheral vision. He came inches from being the star of one of those Allstate “Mayhem” commercials at least four times.
“Nahh, I can’t see anything.”
“Aren’t you afraid you’re gonna get hit by a car?”
“Nahh. I don’t have to see anything. I’m a Transformer – they’ll see ME.”
And he was right.
Stay tuned kids. Next time I’m gonna tell you who he is and all the other insanely cool stuff he does.